lets hope it doesn’t crush us.

well, here it is. today is the last day of 2011, tonight at the stroke of midnight, it will bring in the year that i feel like i have been waiting for my whole life. i have been aware of 2012 for as long as i can remember. but i think it goes beyond conspiracy theories, the chinese and the mayans. i think 2012 represents change, and that that is what all these things are trying to tell us. of course, like everything it is open to interpretation, aut this is my interpretation of what i think might happen.

change is coming. in fact, that is silly, because change is always here. it is really the only constant. i started to feel it really strongly a few years ago, in 2009. things really started to ramp up. things felt like they were slowly starting to unravel. it was a disconcerting feeling. like it was pulling you away from things, what you were comfortable with, your notions about reality. and other people could feel it too. even if they weren’t aware of it. the energy of all things started changing, and people started getting nervous.

i felt it especially because i was out in the world. i took the subway, busses and streetcars to work. i could feel peoples energy. i think that things had been comfortable for a long time for us, but that now, things had to change and on some level, we all knew it. so i think that this is going to be a very interesting year. i think it will represent huge change for the planet and the consciousness of our species. i think it is time. i think it will be hard and that people will fight. they will be afraid. there is a lot of scary shit going on in the world these days.

it is amazing what can happen in a year. when i think back to what i was doing a year ago, the difference is immense. ridiculous even. i am humbled at the events of the past 12 months.

when i think about 2012 now, it isn’t with the anxiety and trepidation i always felt when i was younger. maybe that is acceptance. maybe it is wisdom. but i think everything is going to be alright. i think there are big changes coming and that a lot of them will be difficult and uncomfortable, but i also think that the collective consciousness of our species is going to be raised. and i think we desperately need it. we are at a time in human history where we have run amuck. we have managed to really fuck things up for ourselves. we are raping the earth of natural resources and killing so much wildlife that we have thrown the whole balance out of whack. because of overpopulation we are fast approaching a time when the earth, the beautiful, bountiful planet on which we live, will not be able to support our ridiculous needs. so, the earth needs to rebalance itself. and that surely means getting rid of a few humans. i really hope i get to stick around because i like it here.

this whole thing was one of the reasons i moved to panama. i could feel the tension and anxiety building and i wanted out. out of the race, the game. i wanted to get back to the real. grow my own food, learn how to build things, reconnect with nature. and i have, and it has been amazing. this is an amazing place to be because you have no choice but to live that way. the people here haven’t lost their connection to the planet like the first world nations have, and i think that is a large part of the problem. the planet is sick, and because the people in the first world have lost their connection to it, they don’t notice until it gets so bad that it literally walks up to them and slaps them in the face.

2012 is going to be a good year for me. i am getting married this year. i am with the man i love. i live in paradise. everything is wonderful. and most importantly, i know how to use a machete. no shit. its important.

we are going to the beach tonight to bring in the new year. we are going to lie in the sand and look up at the stars and marvel at this amazing planet that we have the fortune of inhabiting. we will give thanks. we will think about what is important. we may even drink rum.

i hope you all have a happy and safe new year, and wherever you are i wish you a happy, healthy and enlightening 2012.